Your Mentor is Not Your Therapist: How to Get the Most Out of Mentorship

Finding a great mentor can be life-changing. They can provide career guidance, expand your network, and help you avoid common pitfalls. But let’s be clear: your mentor is not your therapist.

Too many people approach mentorship like a venting session, unloading personal frustrations and expecting their mentor to fix their emotional baggage. This not only wastes valuable time but can also damage the relationship. To avoid making this mistake, let’s break down some key rules for a healthy and productive mentorship.

1. Keep It Professional

Your mentor is there to guide you on career and industry-specific challenges, not to process your existential crises. According to a Harvard Business Review study, 84% of CEOs credit their mentors for helping them avoid costly business mistakes (Harvard Business Review). Notice they didn’t say, "My mentor helped me work through my childhood trauma."

Pro Tip:

If you're dealing with deep personal issues, consider therapy. If you're facing burnout or imposter syndrome, a mentor can help, but keep the focus on actionable career strategies, not just venting.

2. Come Prepared

Walking into a mentorship meeting without a plan is like showing up to a board meeting in pajamas—unprofessional and a little weird. Research from Mentorloop shows that structured mentorship programs lead to a 72% higher retention rate for employees (Mentorloop). Why? Because preparation leads to productive conversations.

Pro Tip:

Have a list of questions, a challenge you’re facing, or an update on your progress. If you respect their time, they’ll respect yours.

3. Don’t Expect Instant Fixes

Your mentor isn’t a genie. They won’t grant you three career wishes just because you connected on LinkedIn. As Simon Sinek puts it, "Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge." The same applies to mentorship.

Pro Tip:

Ask for guidance, not handouts. Instead of, “Can you get me a job?” try, “What skills should I develop to be a strong candidate in this industry?”

4. Respect Boundaries

Yes, a good mentor is invested in your success, but they also have their own lives. Brené Brown, renowned leadership expert, emphasizes that healthy relationships (mentorship included) require clear boundaries.

Pro Tip:

Don’t bombard your mentor with texts at 11 PM. If you need urgent advice, consider if it's truly urgent—or if it can wait until your next scheduled chat.

5. Take Action on Advice

Few things are more frustrating for a mentor than giving advice only for it to be ignored. According to a study by the Association for Talent Development, mentees who actively implement their mentor’s guidance are 67% more likely to see career advancements (Mentorloop).

Pro Tip:

If your mentor suggests a book, read it. If they tell you to improve a skill, start learning. Showing initiative keeps the relationship strong.

6. Express Gratitude

Mentors aren’t paid for their wisdom (unless you’re hiring a career coach, which is a different thing). They share their time and insights because they believe in you. A simple thank you goes a long way.

Pro Tip:

Send a follow-up email after meetings, update them on your progress, and—if appropriate—pay it forward by mentoring someone else in the future.

Conclusion

A great mentor-mentee relationship is built on mutual respect, professional boundaries, and action. They’re not your therapist, but they can be one of your greatest career allies—if you approach the relationship correctly. So, book that coffee meeting, bring a game plan, and make the most of their wisdom. Just don’t expect them to analyze your dreams or help you navigate your dating life. That’s what therapists (or best friends) are for.

Special note: Lastly, Mentors are created equal. I remember one mentor that I committed to an entire year worth of meetings (being pro-active), just to spend a whole year listening to her brag, name drop, and demonstrate just how amazing her life was. Set up a few meetings and have an exit strategy.